"My purpose is to coach women, using my generosity, creativity and passion, to find their voice, communicate with confidence and enthusiasm, and develop fully as 21rst century women leaders."
Please make your self at home, muse in the different categories thanks to the tag cloud and share your questions, opinions and ideas in the comments here or on Twitter or LinkedIn
“My purpose is to coach women, using my generosity, creativity and passion, to find their voice, communicate with confidence and enthusiasm, and develop fully as 21rst century women leaders.”
I often hear women complain about how invisible they feel. They will not be heard in a meeting, not seen during a networking event, not noticed by their colleagues, their boss, worse, not acknowledged for their contributions, not given any credit, nor promotion. On why that happens, read my previous post on why educated and talented executive women still fall into theSleeping Beauty Princess Syndrome.
Three steps to become more visible.
Reveal Your True Colors. Lead from within. Develop your confidence. Build on your strengths. Ask for feedback and get it! Take off your nice girl hat and be feisty, raw, wild and crazy! Communicate clearly on what you do, where you want to go, who you are. Get yourself a personal career coach and several mentors. invest in yourself so that you are very clear on what value you can add to the company, to your clients.
Only then, when you have a clear sense of who you are and what you want, can you get it!
Tip 1 Ask yourself, “What makes me unique? What value do I bring? What problem do I solve?
Tip 2 You don’t have to wear red stilettos… (no, Roxanne, you don’t have to put on the red light…)
Story Just like in The Red Shoes, an ancient fairy tale revisited by Clarissa Pinkola Estès. She shows us that there is a way to construct a life that is uniquely our own; a life made by hand. “In our culture, we may travel life’s path in one of two ways: 1) in handmade shoes, crafted with love and care according to the unique needs of the individual soul; or 2) in Red Shoes, which promise instant fulfillment, but ultimately lead to a painful, hollow-split existence.” Wow…powerful…just think about it for a minute…
Don’t Think Twice, Be Bold and Show Up! If it seems pretty obvious to you, just think of the numbers of opportunities you missed because you just were not there! Strategic meetings, networking events, conferences where attending is strategic for your business and your job expertise. Maybe you were there physically, but not really 100% present.
Tip 1 You are not on that “special short list” of “50 most talented”…, “top 10 experts” …, best CEOs/managers/consultant/blogger in the world? Create your own tribe, become the VIP member of your very special club!
Tip 2 Show up, develop a real presence, here and now. Raise your hands in a meeting as Sheryl Sandberg, COO of FaceBook reminds us, speak up and keep this hand up!
Tip 3 Push the door open and step in! Stop waiting to be invited to come inside. Stop staring with envy and angst at the shop windows, the corporate glass walls, the places where decision are made, projects are created, ideas are given life, blood and flesh to. Make a list of the top influencers in your company or top players in your field. Get in touch with them and play with them! But remember, before, you need to have prepared what you have to offer that makes you unique.
Find a sponsor, better, be noticed by one and become remarkable! In How Sponsorship Can Help Senior Women Break the Marzipan Ceiling (I love this image, just picture yourself caught in a thick pink marzipan office space, just like Hansel and Gretel…), a great new article from The Glass Hammer, you will find out how to get your own sponsor.
“Sponsors get you the key stretch assignments that allow you to shine.”
Tip 1 Be strategic. Be intentional about sponsorship early in your career. It really does enhance the climb.
Tip 2 Mentors can be a pathway to sponsorship.
Tip 3 Connect. Building strong relationships with individuals above you, as well as your peers, can help make potential sponsors aware of you and provide an entryway into networks of power.
Melissa J. Anderson in The Glass Hammer, quoting Kerrie Peraino, Chief Diversity Officer of Amex.
(Note to myself: you cannot buy yourself a sponsor in a shoe shop.)
A Song: “And I’ll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that’s why I love you
so don’t be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow”.
It’s a Small Change To Your Job (developing a strong confidence), That Makes A Big Change To Your Life!
Why do I write about Vincent Cespedes? Because he’s a French Philosopher, has published a book called ” Man, explained to women” and when I tweeted about him, here’s what I immediately got from my American friend Julie Daley:
So, what did he say?
On the French radio, France Inter, Vincent Espedes was interviewed in November by Ali Ribeihi to speak about his book “L’Homme expliqué aux femmes” (“Man, explained to women”). I’m going to translate here the most thought provoking ideas and also show how it’s linked to women and power in business and society.
The Balls Philosophy. Under this provocative tittle, hides a revolutionary concept. For Vincent Cespedes, virility is not about being “hard”, tough, having big muscles, abs and being ruthless. He calls this kind of virility “The Shock Wave” (l’onde de choc)- Schwartzie. No matter how tough and hard one wants to be, inside, there will always be a place which will be our existential vulnerability and which reminds us of “the trembling of life” (beautiful…). Vincent Cespedes goes one step further, saying that woman is a ball (couille) on her own (!!!), whereas man has only got two small samples…:-)
The absurdity of blaming women’s liberation for men’s crisis. There’s now a stream, from Canada, which aims at proving that the loss of a certain sensual appetite and capacity for courting comes from the women’s liberation. This is absurd, obviously. Man doesn’t become less manly, he becomes more human. There is a crisis of masculinity, a shift towards a new representation of man.
The real masculine power is the power to radiate WITH not to impose upon (just like in Dan Pink radiators versus sinks…If you want to know more about it, read on the Pink Blog “There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Which are you?” ). The desperate pursuit of power and the resulting helplessness it produces is linked to the impotence of men. What Vincent Cespedes calls impotence, “im-puissance” in French, it’s not sexual impotence, it’s the lack of the ability to let go and surrender to others. According to him, power is the best alibi to hide this impotence, to fill the absence of real letting go.
The ultimate masculine power is Happiness. No one is more manly than a happy man. Happiness to link with others, to connect. This power is not searched after, it’s given to us, as a present. It’s the ability to surrender, to let go and to be in the now.
Conclusion, Mesdames, Messieurs?
Vincent Cespédès advocates the Charm Wave instead of the Shock Wave.
You will find everything you’ve always wanted to know about the “beau ténébreux” (handsome dark stranger) in this new book:
Why are Men accused to be egoistic and cowards?
How to conciliate tenderness and virility ?
Responsability and passion ?
How to be a good lover, a good father, a Prince charming and also a House-wife ?
From Sigmund Freud to George Clooney, including dating and courting rituals, reinventing couples and fatherhood, Vincent Cespedes explores with a disarming frankness and plenty of humour, the new unknown continent of the 21rst century, Man.
Will the next Big Shift surf on The Charm Wave? The Power to weave trusted connections and surrender to the present?
“The future of business belongs to the feminine archetype. The future belongs to those of us, female or male, who can adopt and embrace the feminine archetype. “
PS: If you want to know how to embrace the feminine archetype, I strongly suggest you visit this awesome blog written by a 21rst century Goddess:
Unabashedly Female by Julie Daley, Awakener of Women to their Raw and Wild Creativity.
I don’t know about you, but the last months of 2010 have been like a hurdle race, Christmas and New Year’s Eve included. The first week of January, I pretended I didn’t hear my alarm clock at 6 am. I skipped my C25K training. I skipped fresh oranges juicing for my kids. I skipped answering New Year’s Greeting Cards. I didn’t even feel like making any Greeting Card, real or virtual. No juice. White Space. Sleeping. Snowy winter landscape. I just felt like staying under my warm duvet and dreaming about how my ideal clients will discover me and hire me for new creative, exciting, international executive coaching and training long-term assignments.
Okay, even Arianna Hufington, at TEDWomen, encouraged me to stay in bed, when she shared her latest secret, Get More Sleep! You may also want to indulge in healthier sleeping habbits and I believe there’s a lesson to learn for each of us.
“The way to a more productive, more inspired, more joyful life is getting enough sleep,” she said at TEDWomen. “We are literally going to sleep our way to the top — literally!”
Mais attention! Arianna said enough sleep, not the kind of sleep where, like Sleeping Beauty, you fall for one hundred years and only wake up by the magic of a Prince’s kiss!
There are 3 main reasons why women fall in The Sleeping Beauty Trap, never wake up where they want to be and instead sleepwalk themselves to the glass cliff…, no matter how talented, high-achieving and ambitious they are.
Women often report that they are “not ready yet”. How many times have I heard, “One day, I will…” , “I’m almost ready”, “I just need to complete my MBA”, “another training certificate”, “my PhD” or “to gain some confidence”, “to get more expertise”, “more experience”, or “to wait for my children to grow older”, “for my children to go to college”, or even “for the economy to recover”, etc…= for my Prince to come! Selena Rezvani, in The Next Generation of Women Leaders, describes the psychological barriers that come in the way of our leadership potential when we disqualify ourselves from opportunities. “Women feel the need for a certain level of prior training and experience that men do not necessarily demand in order to jump into a new role.”
Women still tend to believe that, if they meet expectations, they will be rewarded. If they complete their assignments and achieve their business goals, then they will be promoted. Someone will detect how brilliant they are and push them forward. In Why Men Still Get More Promotions Than Women, Harvard Business Review, Herminia Ibarra, says that “interviews and surveys alike suggest that high-potential women are overmentored and undersponsored relative to their male peers—and that they are not advancing in their organizations. Furthermore, without sponsorship, women not only are less likely than men to be appointed to top roles but may also be more reluctant to go for them.”
Kerrie Peraino, Chief Diversity Officer at American Express, advised women to be bold in order to find a sponsor. “It’s not enough to say, ‘I’m doing good work,’ and put your head down on your desk,” she said. “To earn sponsorship someone needs to see your work.” (quoted in Catalyst excellent report)
Women don’t ask! I know, this sounds a little like “fixing the women” and I would rather not be labeled this way. I believe that organizations urgently need to adapt and innovate in order to cope with the female brain drain and create gender-bilingual cultures. In Catalyst’s report, “maximizing mentoring and securing sponsorship”, Catalysts insists on articulating two strategies for advancement, both organizational and individual.
“On the Importance of Asking for What You Want
The saying, “You don’t ask, you don’t get,” holds true as much at work as elsewhere in life. It’s essential that you formulate a clear understanding of what you want and be able to voice those desires to the people who are acting on your behalf.” Catalyst 2010 Maximizing Menturing and Securing Sponsorship. Download the pdf here.
Women can find it difficult to develop a comfortable and effective negociating style, especially when it’s directly linked with their personal interests. Read A Woman’s Toolkit for Seeking a Raise by Harvard Associate Professor Hannah Rilley Bowles, in The New York Times. Many women argue they would fight like a lionness for their clients or company’s interests, but will find it extremely difficult to ask for a raise!
If you want to avoid the Sleeping Beauty Syndrome and stop waiting until 2111 to be Awaken and eventually Visible, then get your beauty sleep and get out of that duvet!
In the next post, I will develop the three ways you can become more visible.
Stop beeing “nice” (pleasing), too polite and modest. Gain recognition in your company, in your area of expertise, share your success stories. Blow your own horn!
Communicate clearly on your motivations and your project and get a Sponsor!
Learn to negociate for what you want and get it!
You know what? Just writing this post has risen my spirits and woken me up!
Tomorrow, fresh orange juice and fresh new year’s run!
2011, Here I Come!
What are YOU waiting for? Do you recognize yourself falling in any of the three “traps”? I would welcome your comments about the stories you tell yourself for not fully succeeding, the questions you don’t dare to ask, what’s working and what not working for you.
You remember how passionately I wrote about The Girl Effect?
I am still as dedicated and supportive and also asking myself a few questions.
Yesterday, Annie Q.Syed, @so_you_know on Twitter, sent me this tweet:
After a few minutes wandering around @alanna_shaikh ‘s, @Michael_Keiser ‘s and @kalsoom82′s twitter profiles, bio, blogs, etc…, I opened the link offered to my curiosity and read the article, with some reluctance…
The author, Anna Carella, a PhD student in political science at Vanderbilt University, develops 4 reasons why The Girl Effect Campaign might be damaging to women:
It reinforces perceptions about “women’s work” and “men’s work” by claiming that women make better homemakers.
It’s a myth that women will drive growth enough to pull the poorest countries out of poverty.
Men may feel threatened by the singular focus on women.
The girl effect reinforces the perception of women and more generally people in developing countries as needing “saving.”
Gulp. All these reasons are valid, especially the third and the fourth ones. They raise questions that need to be addressed. I want to spend a little time discussing each point:
It relies on the essentialist view that women are innately more nurturing than men, and that women’s natural strengths lie in the home as the “chore doer” and “caretaker.” I quite agree it would be fantastic to start a double revolution, both for girls and for boys. Teaching boys & girls to share chores at home, to be both caretakers and nurturing. It would be great to “address the structural factors that underlie men’s apparent disinterest in the health and education of their children”. It’s another cruisade, it may take longer to change the representations of masculine and feminine archetypes. It is necessary and also compatible with the Girl Effect campaign. Not antagonist.
“What poor countries need to stimulate sustainable growth are not women taking out loans to buy cows, but better governance and better terms of trade with rich countries.” Again, why being so exclusive? What if both movements converged to a better result for all? It reminds me of J.F.Kennedy’s Inaugural Address “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” Change will come in many shapes and endeavours, individual and collective. There’s not a single solution coming from better governance, on a shining armor, that might alone solve the problem. Let the girls begin now!
I do agree with this one fully.“The greatest subordination felt by women is within their own home, yet the girl effect has nothing to say about domestic violence, rape, the wage gap, or the many other systemic problems underlying and reinforcing gender discrimination in poor countries (and rich ones too!)”.Yet, what’s best? To leave the girls within their home or to give them the opportunity to stand up and build social relationships, start to exist for themselves as individuals and contributors to the village and society? Yes, taking one step out and bravely asserting oneself requires courage and may trigger fear and jealousy from men. Or it can be done in a spirit of cooperation and creative collaboration, including boys and men in the Girl Effect Movement. Food for thought…
“It’s drawing on a stereotypical image often conjured by Westerners to depict sad, impoverished children in developing countries. Such images perpetuate the dichotomy of modern Western world vs. the backwards, charity-dependent rest of the world. In the slideshow, Westerners are invited to “fix this picture,” and told that if they invest in girls they will change the course of history. This message gives more agency to Westerners than to the girls it claims to be empowering.” Again, here, I fully agree, that was my only concern, from the start of my small involvement in the campaign, and I will explain it further on.
This discussion is challenging, the consequences and risks are real. Yet, it should not prevent us from being actively supportive of the girls and the women around the world, starting here and now. The situation is already so critical that I believe in every single initiative and step taken towards solidarity and cooperation. Such a campaign should be encouraged and improved by constructive criticism, not discouraged and accused of damaging women.
The idea is to first look at ourselves, “developed countries” and stop “fixing” women. By focusing only on girls and women as “victims” and minorities, we reinforce the stereotypes. We also need to stop the” gender apartheid online”, as Ruth Rosen suggests.
” Success, in my view, will come when women’s news is mainstreamed. News about women is linked to the health of the planet, the education of half the world’s population, the reproductive opportunities for or constraints on half the world’s people, the hidden injuries of sex, the violence against girls and women, and the poverty of women and children. By now, most international organizations have embraced the fact that elevating women’s status though education and reproductive choice results in a higher living standard for an entire population. Sadly, that widespread and obvious consensus has not yet penetrated the news media. We will know we’ve succeeded when every magazine asks of every news story, as IPS Gender Wire does, What does this mean for women and girls?” Ruth Rosen in Alternet.
How can we make an impact, here and now, without damaging women?
Starting by HERE
Here, yes, here in Europe, Canada, US, Australia, New Zealand, Japan.
The Girl Effect pictures girls from Africa, India, South America, Asia.
It’s also happening here, in the so called “developed countries”.
Three examples:
America
“Slavery is not dead in America. Human trafficking – forcing people to work against their will – is the second-largest criminal industry in the world; illegal sale of drugs is first. The money raised by trafficking girls for sex is used to purchase illegal drugs and guns, two commodities that bring in more money and wield more power for the men who possess them. The girls sold for sex don’t get any of the money they earn.
Don’t kid yourself if you think this doesn’t happen in America. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this doesn’t happen in my town. Don’t you believe that it only happens to ‘bad’ girls. Human trafficking occurs daily in cities and towns across this country. Human trafficking takes many different forms. Asian girls are forced to work in low cost nail salons. African girls are forced to work in hair braiding parlors. Even American girls are treated and traded like a commodity. Human trafficking occurs from San Diego to Ohio.”
Read what Pamela Ferris-Olson has to say about it. Her nickname is IntheHeartland and she blogs at Women on The Verge.
The title says it all: “Slavery in America’s Heartland? It’s a 21st Century Dirty Secret Affecting Girls as Young as 12.” You can read the full article here.
A second example comes from my country, France.Last month, there was a National Campaign on Rape and Shame, called “La Honte Doit Changer de Camp” (Shame must change from one side to the other). Here’s a podcast on France Culture French radio, by journalist Caroline Fourest.
- Less than 2% of aggressors are sentenced! Rapists get away with it and victims feel guilty.
- No matter if you’re rich or poor , white or black as long as you are a woman you are a potential target and you know it.
- You have to be a woman to feel this fear , light but always present when you walk in a street and night comes . The noise of the footsteps behind you ring like an alert and this permanent risk permanent conditions you.
- We need to change the way we look at bodies so that we stop depreciating women’s body image.
- Rape is a cultural weapon shaped by centuries of incitation to domination
- Too many women have fallen on the field of what is still called “le déshonneur”
The third example is a reflection on “post feminism” I read onThe Wise Living Blog
“It is true what you say about how different things are for women in the “post-feminist” area. Many have and continue to have the benefit of education that improves the chances for bringing their wisdom to the world. Still I can not completely celebrate this fact knowing that there are still thousands of young girls who go to sleep hungry every night in this country that is part of the so called “developed” world, who lay awake in fear of being raped by their fathers, brothers, mother’s boyfriends…little girls who are raised in a world surrounded by images of “beauty” that exploit their bodies and teach them to use their sexuality as a weapon of power to push their way through the “glass ceilings and walls”. There are women who are not able to freely express who they are because they love another women and are denied the same legal rights that their friends, family and neighbours take for granted. They are beaten up, and verbally abused by other women not just men. There are single women all over the country who are struggling every day to protect their children and themselves from being hurt because they have been abandoned by “deadbeat fathers” and the community of privilege who would rather blame than examine how we are exploiting our rights and privilege as educated people to hide and deny how we are contributing to the problem.I wonder if we have really come so far or just become more a sophisticated version of the same thing. What have we really developed?
We need to stop pretending we are “developed” and instead courageously look at how we are contributing to the global crisis.
Bottom line
What does it have to do with business , leadership and corporations? Why do I write about this as an executive coach, in this professional blog?
We have a responsability to share the information.We, women and men, we have access to laptops, electricity, internet connection in the comfort of our homes and also have the privilege to dedicate some free time to blogging. It’s the least we can do. Share it on our blog, weave data and facts about The Girl Effect with how it affects us, as a woman, as a son, as a spouse, a friend, a collaborator, as a lover of women, as a father or a brother of girls. We have the responsability to connect as much women and men possible around the world to create this revolution which is happening NOW and HERE.
It’s not enough. I want to do more. I’m translating TED videos from English to French. I told Brené Brown that I was the first on the list when her awesome TEDx video about Shame & Vulnerability gets translated. You can watch the video here,( and ask TED organizers to have it translated into French!) Brené Brown writes a beautiful blog: Ordinary Courage. I’m also translating French articles into English (like the podcast quoted at the beginning of this post, on Shame & Rape at France Culture radio.) If you live in any other country than the US, translate articles and podcasts into English, or from English into your native language, so that the international audience’s awareness grows!
Founding and fostering The Now Leadership on social media and in Corporations. I am getting more and more professionally involved in learning and teaching Corporations to be Gender Bilingual (reference to Avivah Wittenberg’s Cruisade). I’m doing this by creating and developing with Anne Perschell The Now Leadership Blog Carnival. With a growing circle, rather a spiral, we’re writing and researching , Not Only for Women, weaving relentlessly, like contemporary Penelope, men and women’s voices in Leadership.
How will this prevent rape and injustice against women?
I believe that if we reach equal representation of men and women in corporations, it can first:
Save our economies and create more wealth
Second contribute to sustainable development and redistribution of this wealth in education, health care and environment
Give role models to girls and women around the world and make them VISIBLE
“So I ask you: to sit in silence with this, this chorus of 130+ Girl Effect voices, with the strength that gathers all around you, and with the awareness of all that remains to do. And then to ask yourself, “What am I called to do?”
What are YOU called to do, here and now?
I would like to thank Annie (@so_you_know) and Anna Carella for starting this discussion and encouraging me to question my assomptions. I also have discovered Alanna Shaikh and it’s a blessing. She’s an optimistic and a skeptic! Blood and Milk stories by @alanna_shaikh http://bit.ly/g6D0qT: Not exactly radical, contrarian opinions. But they’re not the story.
“The future of international development: It’s partnership, where donors and recipients recognize that both gain from the process”.
I know I have the tendancy to tell myself stories and lure myself into believing fairy tales. Growing older, hopefully wiser, I tend to integrate a little more salt and pepper, spices in my honey milk and mix skepticism with optimism too!
“I’d like to banish the widely held myth that women are uncomfortable with power, that we aren’t in touch with our power or don’t like wielding our power. These statements are not true, and they damage the credibility of women.”...read more here
“Women grow up with archetypes of Cinderella like characters waiting for someone else to deliver a shoe or some other key to happiness. Our real lives are influenced by these stories and other cultural messages about what we can or cannot do without a more powerful figure, often times a man, to help us. As women we must overcome these longstanding iconic stories and images that are paired with less than equal rights and less than equal abilities to participate fully in life outside the home. We need to find, create, be, and act in accordance with heroines who make our way in the world with the power of our own two feet clad in shoes that get us where we want to go.” …Read more here
What are you doing to become visible?
One of the strongest comments made about the average professional woman is their reluctance to step up, engage and make themselves visible. The creativity required to dream up the excuses I hear from these ladies alone, suggests their inner capabilities. They are first class.Women are long-term relationship builders so this is an area in which they should excel, but yet they still hold back. This of course means that there are a reduced number of visible female role models to emulate at all levels, not just at the top … Read more here
“The job of leadership in times such as these requires the kind of grit that Norma Rae showed as she climbed upon her table and stood her ground. In these times, change means hard work, hard heads, hard times and tender hearts. And it’s not about one or two people leading everyone else out of the wilderness either. We are all responsible. We must all find a new way of being in the world. Those who lead will have a vision of the future.” … Read more here
Nancy Folbre, economics professor at University of Massachusetts Amherst, recently posted an article in the New York Times titled “The Declining Demand for Men”. I just know there were a few women who smiled when they saw that title.
The article reflected on the fact that we are seeing a downturn in traditional male jobs and an increase in jobs traditionally held by women. Manufacturing jobs are declining and health and education jobs are increasing. Dr. Folbre calls it “the feminization of employment.
Further, she raises the question, why don’t men simply move into women’s jobs?” Read more here
Cherry Woodburn at Borderless Thinking, asks: “Bro’s Hugs Bad?”21st Century Leadership. Sister Cherry’s Hugs are good for me!!! Read her generous, uplifting, no nonsense & vibrant article:
“It’s time to rethink our view of power, emotions and and leadership. This is particularly important as the number of women increases in the workplace and in leadership positions. Why? Because a stereotype of women is that they’re more emotional than men and are viewed as the weaker sex because of that.
Such garbage and propaganda. Women all over the world stand up for their rights even after being beaten and raped. Women do what’s needed to take care of their families. Women are both strong and emotional. The two are not mutually exclusive.
That strength and emotions aren’t mutually exclusive is understood for men and what are traditionally viewed as male emotions – anger and aggression. “Whereas emotional reactions and aggressive behavior are interpreted as “passion” or “positive power” in a male, women run a greater risk of having more negative labels attached to similar behaviors exhibited by male counterparts.” …read more here
Marion Chapsal (that’s me!) eventually expresses her indignation and “fedupness” with Apocalyptic announcements of The End of Men, both from a woman’s and a French perspective, both sides of The Atlantic, both sides of the gender!
Power is an unlimited ressource, to be tapped in both by men and women.
Last, but not least: you’ve all heard about the Power of Three. Just think of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz and the way she achieves to get back home by clicking 3 times on the heels of her ruby red power shoes!
3Plus International is creating a space for professional women to step up and take charge of their own careers with support from mentors and sponsors. It is a place where senior women pay it forward by sharing what they’ve learned and providing aspiring women with access to important networks.
Why 3Plus?
Research shows that when there are more than 3 ( 3Plus) women at any level – there are significant changes to traditional male focused dynamics. More than 3 women at any level, can achieve significantly more than one lone woman in a group
What’s our mission?
“We are committed to ensuring that more bright savvy accomplished women have seats at senior leadership tables, on boards, in their own ventures and where ever they aspire to be. 3Plus will be the place, in virtual space, to see and be seen as women of influence. In our first few hours online we’ve engaged in a lively and rich discussion of women’s willingness to invest in our own career advancement and about the visible absence of women in positions of influence.”
We are a highly interactive, engaged and action oriented community. Please join us by clicking here
Please add, in the comments bellow, your own findings and precious links to blog posts, articles and videos, we’d be happy to share them here or at NOWLeadership Carnival next edition, in January, at Germane Insight’s Blog.
I love TED. I consider myself a feminist. Of course TEDWomen attracted my curiosity and I watched a few excellent talks.
Except Han Roslin’s. I found it disturbing and even offensive for both men and women.
Who is Hanna Rosin? She’s a journalist for the Washington Post and The Atlantic. She wrote an article in the Atlantic which created a shock wave “The End of Men”. You can read it here. In this TED talk, she goes too far. She’s “pushy” and confrontational.
Read these comments about her presentation (mostly by men):
“Ms. Rosin’s apparent joy in “The Rise of Women” is in itself a challenge for me. Her statistics and my current economic situation are a definite arrow aimed at my ego.”
” Don’t be fooled! This ethnocentric talk was about the success of masculine women. Competition, business, politics, “battles” and even caring about the like are “uber” masculine domains. – I said masculine not male! Femininity and masculinity are attributes inclusive to both men and women. What should be equal is the opportunity and encouragement for men and women to be as masculine or feminine as they want to be in our society without fear or discrimination along with new measures and meanings of success.”
“There is no new order. Business as usual. The game hasn’t changed. We need both masculine and feminine people for a balanced society. It matters not what gender fills those roles only that they be filled. The only thing that is eroded is the myth that femininity is exclusively of females and masculinity of males. Respectful masculinity will be met with yielding femininity. Disrespectful and domineering masculinity is met with righteous masculinity as evident in this talk and comments. The more respectful masculine women there are the more yeilding feminine men there needs to be. I suspect that men may need to embrace and uphold both the ideal feminine and masculine archetype.”
“Focusing on the differences between men and women is a huge mistake in light of solving economic problems. These differences between men and women may exist but they are not innately tied to being a male, or a female. It is only because we raise boys and girls differently that they have different skills. There is no reason for gender pride and that’s all this is doing.
If we care about both genders the goal shouldn’t be to ease the pain as we shift the power over to women but to educate everyone equally on what it takes to rise up.”
I could go on for ever, the comments are not equally as benevolent or uplifting as these, but I must say I couldn’t help identifying more with men than with Mrs Rosin.It’s a shame, since she’s also a brilliant and intelligent writer.
The Declining Demand for Men. December 13th, 2010, in the New York Times, another “Cassandra” article’s headline .
Third Example: A Woman’s Red Stiletto Smashing a Widget Superman. Finally, France is following the Atlantic trend with a magazine cover picturing “the end of man in a century of women…”. The content of the article was excellent and I found brilliant ideas and writers, precious references and links and a desire to facilitate the rebirthing of Man for the sake of humanity. What was it really necessary to start with a picture of a woman’s (red) stiletto impaling a ridiculouly tiny Superman?
Immediate reactions:
How would I feel, if I saw a big MadMen’s Shoe Smashing a tiny WonderWoman?
I’d go MAD! I’d see RED! I would get prepared to do battle. Is this what we want?
How would I feel if I heard a man rejoicing about the fall of women? Angry. Humiliated. Misunderstood. Depressed.
“The future of business belongs to the feminine archetype. The future belongs to those of us, female or male, who can adopt and embrace the feminine archetype. “
Because power, as we know it, is confused with domination upon, with arrogance, selfishness and showing off. It is the old masculine archetype on which corporations are built. Power can be fun, joyful, playful, innocent and full of purpose. Just like Kah Walla type of power, I described in a previous post.
Power- to be present for the others, to achieve sustainable improvements in the life of others, to ignite a sparkle of light and desire, to create big shifts in the world.
The bottom line
We need to rethink power, NOW, Not Only for Women, but for men too, so that power embraces both masculine and feminine archetypes.
Power with, not Power over.
Power to connect.
Power to weave knowledge and trusted relationships in generous and exponential waves.
“We must find ways to more effectively integrate the masculine and feminine archetypes to draw on the strengths of each. But, at the end of the day, the pendulum must swing much more in the direction of the feminine archetype if we are realize the potential that the Big Shift represents for all of us.”
Kah Wallahis the CEO of STRATEGIES! She has received an award for work done in Women’s Economic Empowerment in Africa from the Clinton Global Initiative. She’s running for the presidency of Cameroun in 2011.
Why is she “amazingly” and positively powerful?
When I first saw her on stage, instead of sitting as the others did, she stood up and came close to us, her audience. She stood proudly and joyfully in front of us, radiating confidence and eagerness to share. She was simply herself, 100 % present, open and her posture was expressing both strength and consideration for others.
She opened her face with a big smile and from her chest, her belly and even her legs, it seemed like we could see the wave of deep and innocent laughters shaking her whole body. She asked us immediately: “Who do you think is more powerful now, you or me? We are going to check this: clap your hands at the same rythm as me.”
We did, slightly intimidated at first, then growing confidence and enjoying the noise we created all together.
She did it once, twice and even three times. Then she paused.
With another big laugh, she asked again:
“Now, who do you think has more power?” We all applauded massively and then she started to speak.
She spoke about women and their fear of power. Especially in the occidental countries. She told us that we need not fear power. We could be proud to be powerful. We could have fun and enjoy power. Power was a beautiful thing to feel and to share.
Several hundreds of women were there with me. Most of them were wearing designers clothes, high heels shoes, precious perfumes, handbags and jewels. Their hair looked like they just spent the afternoon at the most trendy hairdresser in town, they wore invisible but perfect make-up, yet you could see how tired and tensed they were, trying to keep up with everything. Most of them were thin and looking in their late thirties, early forties. They probably all had a quite wealthy profession and also run a family with a husband and young children. When you got closer to their faces, you could observe a little spot in their eyes, reflecting anxiety and either too low or too high self esteem.
You may wonder why I was so sensitive to the way the other women looked. I must confess that, that evening, after a day of work at home, in jeans, striped vest on a relaxed men’s shirt and leather boots, I completely underestimated the time to prepare myself, and chose to be on time, but to keep the same far west look. When I first arrived, I felt like the ugly duckling… I remember keeping my raincoat on, although the room was really hot, because I didn’t want to show my weird outfit. As soon as Kah Walla showed up, I started to relax and the way I looked was no more a problem. I felt completely at ease in my boots, comfortable in my jeans and with my own personal style, very congruent with my company’s name “Geronimo”! I can tell you that I made such an impression during the following networking event, that a Canadian woman even asked me if I had any native american ancestors!
The only person that evening in the room that felt at ease and strong and relaxed in her shoes, her colourful and beautiful African dress, was Kah Walla.
For the first time since many years, I could feel what power really meant in my own body and relate to what she was speaking about. The power to change the world. The power to influence, to make an impact and to do it because you were called to do it, from within, for the others, not for yourself.
After her talk, I went directly to see her and asked her how she came up with this extraordinary idea, of becoming the first female president of Cameroun.
She’s a business and leadership coach, she could have remained a busy and successful CEO and flourished in her company.
She decided one day that nobody was going to do what her country needed, she could not wait for someone else to come because this someone else had to be her.
She was tired and revolted of witnessing her country under the control of corruption and abuse.
She was standing to be that person, saying no to authority, walking her talk and facing adversity.
Listen to the power of her voice, in her declaration: The Time is Now!
“Kah: When is the time to build an economy where every entrepreneur is energized, motivated and assisted to create wealth for the country? When is that time?
Crowd: The TIME is NOW!
Kah: When is the time to show the world that we have the most beautiful country on the globe from the Logone & Chaari to the Moungo, from the forests of the Dja to the rolling hills of the Bamboutos, from the might of the Sanaga to the waterfalls of Kikaikilaiki? When is the time?
Crowd: The TIME is NOW!
Kah: When is the time for each Cameroonian child to sit on a bench in school with textbook in hand, for each university student to have access to a computer, for each hospital to be able to treat malaria with no bribe, for garbage to be collected and roads to be built? When is that time?
Crowd: The TIME is NOW!
The time is now, Cameroonians, the time is now. That is why I stand before you today.”
Here’s the kind of DM (direct message) that keeps me awake when it’s time to go to sleep, on a Sunday evening:
From @bizshrink : “Notice the shoes” and a link to a TED talk.
So, of course, I followed the link, clicked, waited a few seconds with the now famous TED jingle, and I discovered an islandic woman on red stilettos walking her talk, straightly and warmly!
“Halla Tomasdottir managed to take her company Audur Capital through the eye of the financial storm in Iceland by applying 5 (I counted 4) traditionally “feminine” values to financial services. At TEDWomen, she talks about these values and the importance of balance.”
The 4 “feminine” values according to Halla:
Risk Awareness
Straight Talking
Emotional Capital
Profit with Principles
What I loved most in her speech?
When she talks about strong, courageous, independent women vikings (just picture her dressed as a viking /viqueen with red leather boots…?)
When she evokes the day when she understood , at 7, the power of women in economy and in the society.
And when she says:
“It’s not about women being better than men, it’s actually about women being different than men, bringing different values and different ways to the table.
So, what do you get? You get better decision making. You get less herd behaviour. And both of those things hit your bottom line with very positive results.”
So what are you waiting for?
Put on your red shoes and dance the NOW Leadership with Anne Pershel and me!
Hint: next NOW Leadership Blog Carnival, published on the 15th of December, will be about Women, Power and The Irresistible Red Stilettos…
If you’re tempted, you can still join us, as long as you bring your powered shoes along, we provide the hot and spicy red wine, the music and the Christmas Carnival Venue!
Why Do You Always Write About The Girl Effect? You can read it here.
What had started as a genuine desire to contribute to spread the word and create a ripple effect to help girls realize their full potential has eventually given birth to sharing my own story and writing a gratitude letter to my parents.
When I see the big wave of kindness, support and gratitude this post has triggered, when I read the comments, the emails, the skype calls and the tweets, I know deep inside that it was the right thing to do.
My gratitude goes to all those who read my story and added a few words to say they cared and appreciated. It’s incredibly moving to see how words can reach hearts. Thank you, I was afraid of being too self-centered and to indulge into confessions. I was also thinking, who am I to talk about my childhood when the girls of the 21st century are living today, now and need food, shelter, security and love?
The truth is that I also spent an entire working day, between two seminars, writing, scanning old pictures, reading dozens and dozens of blogs, uploading videos, pictures, pasting links, editing, dreaming, crying, copying and pasting thousands of words, all day long. A day which could have been spent on invoices, administrative work, household tasks, writing “serious” business & leadership articles…
It could also have been dedicated to really listening and being there for my eldest daughter, Caroline, the one I’m mentionning in my post. She’s back from years of travel around the world. She’s 25 and learning to re-construct herself. She would hate that I disclose more about her here, publicly, so I won’t. Just to tell you that she kindly brought me a big warm mug of Tchai in the afternoon, when she thought I would be finished with my writing. I could see she wanted to talk with me. I thanked her, but ( tears rush to my throat as I’m writing this), I didn’t stop writing. I was too busy healing my own wounds. Ironic, isn’t it? There I was, blogging with the whole world about The Girl Effect, and I was not even available to take the tea with my own delicious, beautiful…and a bit lost and confused Girl! (Sorry for the lost and confused, I know you’re a strong and confident young woman, who happens to be at a forkroad and could do with some support and time from her mom). I forgive myself for that. I think I showed her how important it was to face our fears, to talk our truth and to keep our commitments. As soon as I had pressed the “publish” button, I came to her and was there for her.
So here’s my “Trust Gratitude Inspiration Friday”.
I am worthy.
I am enough as a woman. I am enough as a mom. I am enough as a daughter. I am enough as a sister. I am enough as a spouse.
I am enough.
Thank you so much, Brené for investing your brilliant mind, your generous heart and your beautiful soul into researching and speaking about vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame.
The title for this post is the name of one of one of the most powerful blog I have discovered.
Ordinary Courage has been created by Brené Brown.
Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Brené spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness.
What is Ordinary Courage?
“The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage literally had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has actually changed, and today, courage is synonymous with being heroic or performing brave deeds.
Heroics and bravery are important, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we and about our experiences (good and bad) is the ultimate act of courage. Heroics is often about putting your life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting your vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.
To learn more about brene and her work, her story, her books, DVD’s and beautiful badges, head on over to brene’s blog where she’s inviting you to share your stories of Trust Gratitude Inspiration Friday!
This is the one question that he has been asked 500 times:
Why do you always write these Strong Women Characters?
I imagined I would be asked (in a dream after the TED Talk that I will give once I’m a famous speaker!!!)
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
Because of my mother Of course, in this picture, she is beautiful and radiant.
That’s not how I remember her, however. As I was growing up, as early as when I was 8 years old, she started to develop a severe anorexia, which eventually led her to commit suicide, just the year when her first grand- chid (my eldest daughter) was born. (The truth is that she commited suicide the night when I was giving birth to my daughter, then was rescued in extremis, then did it again and eventually succeeded, 18 months later, after immense sufferings.)
She never saw being a female an opportunity but rather a threat to her blossoming, almost a malediction. If only she could have been a male!
So why do I write about the girl effect because of my mother? Because, as a beautiful and brilliant girl growing up in Morrocco, studying medicine, becoming a Doctor, studying philosophy, being a girl was never enough for her. Boys mattered. Men mattered. She had almost never lived with her own father, an Alsacian Administrator of the French Colonies in Morrocco and Mali. She was raised surrounded by women, by my grand mother, a very conservative and strong role model,for whom the only way out for her girls was through marrying an aristocratic and brilliant man (mature man, I must add: 20 years difference between my parents!).
My mother, like the little Chèvre de Monsieur Seguin, resisted as long as she could. She left Morrocco , the sweet orange blossoms, caress of the sun and tenderness of her beloved godmother, “Marraine”, for the foggy and unpersonal cold winter of Lyon, Medicine Faculty. She didn’t have much money and spent days and nights studying, on her own. She studied hard, became a Doctor, married, had children (two daughters in a row, the second while she was in Sanatorium, hospitalized for Tuberculosis: don’t ask me why she could have been pregnant when she was so sick…). She studied again, refusing to stop in spite of societal (and my grand-ma’s) pressures. She worked as a rhumatologist and was very appreciated from her patients. She also spoke at International Medicine Conferences. She had another child. Another girl. That was me, and I can tell you that she was not enthusiastic that another little female came to the world!
What happened? No one really knows why she let it all go, her intelligence, her appetite for healing and understanding , her career as a Doctor and researcher. She was tired of swimming against the current I guess, and my grand mother “won”. She thought her daughter was eventually becoming the perfect wife for her adored son-in-law (my dad). My mother resigned from the hospital and her private practice and stayed at home. And hated that. Her home became her jail.
She never cooked, almost didn’t take care of her home, except collecting antiques and angels (…). I would come back from school and find her , in the best days, writing at her desk, listening to Albinoni melancholic adaggio, curtains closed on an oppressing bedroom. I found her in her bed, after she decided she could not live anymore, taking with her the belief that it was not worth being a woman…
One message, though, she achieved to engrave in each of us, her girls: “Study, study and keep on studying! Have a career and become independent! Aies un métier ma fille, et sois indépendante!”. So, her’s to you, maman, my beloved advocate for EDUCATION for GIRLS!
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
Because of my father
Because he was so proud to have three daughters.
Because he placed our Education above all, education of our minds, our hearts , our senses and our soul!
Because he loved his own mother and kept writing to her every day until her last day.
Because he cooked me breakfast every morning, took me to my exams, went to the fresh market for flowers fruits and vegetables with me and also told me stories at bedtime! Because he was tender and nurturing as a mom could be…
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
This is again Joss Whedon speaking, there’s nothing to add. Stories and videos shared on The Girl Effect site punch you in the heart. They resonate deeply.
“Because these stories give people strengths, and it’s not just women. It’s men. There’s something particular about a female protagonist that allows a man to identify with her. It opens up an aspect of himself he might be unable to express. Hopes & desires he might be uncomfortable expressing through a male identification figure. It crosses across both.”
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
How is it possible that it is a question?
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
Why don’t you ask why people DON’T write the Girl Effect?
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
“Because Equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women and the misogyny, that is in every culture, is not a true part of the human condition. Misoginy is life out of balance and that inbalance is soaking out of the soul of every man and woman who is confronted with it.” Joss Whedon
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
Because you’re still asking that question.
“Why do you write about The Girl Effect?”
Because the little 12 years old in me still wish she could see her parents dancing like this, equal in their embrace, under the complicity of Guignol!
Because I think of all the women who are not given the gift of education, and remain their own shadow.
Because I identify with all my heart with all those little girls who are denied existence for the unique reason of their sex.
Because I find it hard even just face the violences done to girls, to watch the videos, when I compare my situation, in the comfort and prosperity of my country. The least I could do is to write about it.
Because things can go one of two ways, for the girl, and for everyone around her:
Although I’ve had the privilege to get the best of education myself, I feel I can write about how it resonates with my childhood and why I developed this iresistible drive to help women around the world, starting at home.
“We need equality. Kind of now.”
Gratitude to Julie Daley, who pointed me to Joss video, via her beautiful post “Same. Same.” on Unabashedly Female, women’s wildly creative leadership from within.
I am Marion Chapsal and I am passionate about lifting up women’s voices in the corporate world.
